


The Earth and The Stars

by IrrationallyExcited



Series: Winn Schott Drabbles (protector of the stars and my heart since 2017) [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Also Winn is badass, Episode 2x09, First Kiss, If You Squint - Freeform, Lots of Crying, M/M, Sanvers - Freeform, The sexual tension was real ok but I'm just too shy too write smut, Winn's perspective, and James totally owed him an apology let's be real, kinda angsty i guess, this was not supposed to take this long or be this detailed iM sOrRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:24:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9465248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrrationallyExcited/pseuds/IrrationallyExcited
Summary: He thought he'd helped for once, he thought that just for a second he could feel like the hero, but no. Instead, he got his ass kicked and found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.Basically s2e9 from Winn's POV, unnecessary detail, lots of sad times, and the ending I think we deserved, Winn deserved and the universe deserved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This took me sO LONg to finish, it's v late and I've been v ill... I'm supposed to be back at school tomorrow whoops. Enjoy!

Winn is scared. He's scared and confused and genuinely considering going to a therapist at this point. Is that covered by DEO insurance? Trauma caused by an incident he got himself involved in while assisting a vigilante... probably not.

He thought he'd _helped_ for once, he thought that just for a second he could feel like the hero, but no. Instead, he got his ass kicked and found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.

When you see it in movies, it never seems scary- you know? Granted, it's usually the badass main character who had already punched their way out of far worse situations, but still; he'd never expected it to be so terrifying. Maybe it had something to do with how often he'd watched Kara walk _towards_ the guns without even breaking a sweat.

For whatever reason, Winn's reaction to having a gun pulled on him was _weird_ \- to say the least.

His first thought was _whoops_ , which wasn't helpful. Next he gasped, and realised that Supergirl was a little busy dealing with the other bad guys. Also unaware he was anywhere near the danger.

At that point he just felt raw panic. He could barely breathe, never mind form a coherent sentence.

"No! No, don't. No!" He gasped, holding his hands up as if that could possibly help him.

For a moment he thought he was going to die. He thought his life was going to end, and he would die a lonely, single man who's last romantic interest had turned crazy and tried to kill his best friend- who he'd only just barely gotten over his hopeless crush on.

He thought he was going to die, and then out of nowhere James appeared and knocked the thief out cold- like a white knight in shining armour... except he's not white, he's a vigilante, and the armour Winn made for him is far from shiny. _And oh god, why did he have to be a little bit in love with him_? He _definitely_ has a type.

Pulling his mask off, James seemed genuinely concerned; which was weird to Winn. Why would he care? Even when asked if he was okay, Winn couldn't catch his breath enough to reply. Instead, he gasped a few times, groaned in a mix of relief and exhaustion, and slumped against the cold asphalt.

By the time James had handcuffed the criminals and left them in a neat row for the cops to pick up, Winn felt stiff and groggy- as if half asleep. He probably wouldn't have even remembered James scooping him up into his arms and laying him on the floor in the back of the van- if it weren't for the tingles that shot from everywhere James touched him to the butterflies in his stomach, and the intoxicating smell of his sweat and warm skin.

He was so gone...

^-^

When Kara appeared beside him at his desk, he felt himself brighten up just a little bit. Her unfailing optimism and sunshine-attitude can do that to you.

However, as soon as she opened her mouth he felt himself spacing out- barely paying attention to what she was asking. He didn't really need to though, as soon as he heard the word 'missing' he started looking for a connection between the people on the flash drive- because he's not an idiot and he knows what to do in this situation.

Out of nowhere she pulled his focus away from his computer screen, "are you aware you're wearing sunglasses inside?"

 _Oh yes, because even as blissfully unaware as you are, you're gonna notice the one thing you were never supposed to notice. Good job, Kara_. He couldn't help but think bitterly, frowning for a moment.

He considered making a snide remark about her being sickeningly bright and happy, like a non-human ball of sunshine, but decided to avoid offending the precious alien for one day.

"The future is so _very_ bright." He drawls, refusing to even lift his hands off his keyboard in acknowledgement.

Then she just has to cross the line, doesn't she? Because she's perfect little Kara and nothing can get past her, she's impervious to bullets and needles and paper cuts, and Winn can't even shave without cutting himself. She has to go and rip his glasses off, exposing him.

_How would you like it if I just went and ripped your glasses off huh? You wouldn't be so happy then would you? Surely you of all people should understand the need to hide something behind a pair of glasses, you insensitive little-_

Before he can let his streak of ugly thoughts slip out, she gasps dramatically. On instinct he finds himself muttering "no, no no" desperately, which doesn't help at all because he can remember last night again, and he does _not_ want to remember having that gun pointed at him and the cold, damp ground and the feeling of being so close to death-

"What happened to you?"

He can't tell her. He can't tell her what really happened because it's James' secret not his, and he made a promise. And he could _not_ handle Kara's judgement right now.

"I got mugged, it's fine" he insists instead, setting his jaw.

"Why didn't you tell me?" _Because that's not what happened at all-_

"I will have that information for you very shortly" he changes the subject swiftly, feeling his heartbeat speed up and his breathing become shallow. He can _not_ handle a panic attack right now, he hasn't had one since high school- not counting the close call he had when he found out his dad broke out of prison last year. He _can't_ handle a panic attack, and continuing this interrogation with Kara would _not_ help that, so he turns away from her and loses himself in his computer screen like he always does.

And for a while it works, because Kara gets distracted by her sister and leaves him alone. Soon enough though, he can't help but overhear the Danvers sisters talking about someone sleeping with someone, and they both sound so sickly sweet and loved up. It reminds Winn of both how he felt talking to James a few weeks ago, when they were both happy and excited and Winn felt his mega crush flourishing, and also how not-happy his is with his own love life right now. Agent Danvers actually sounds happy for once, which never happens, and she vaguely reminds him of a horny teenager, which _definitely_ never happens. Overall, he just wants to throw up because everything sucks right now and nobody can tell-

So imagine his relief when he finally finds something, giving him an excuse to interrupt their conversation.

And imagine his deep, deep disappointment when he can't even finish a whole word before the other Danvers starts to interrogate him about his bruised eye. _Because of course he forgot to snatch his sunglasses back and put them on again_.

"I got mugged and I'm fine." He repeats monotonously, clenching his jaw in a mix of irritation and despair. If he can barely hold himself together at work, how the hell is he supposed to talk to James again? After what happened, he doesn't even know if he can face going out in the field again, but he really doesn't want to think about that right now.

"And it hurts to smile." _In more than one way, honestly._

If he's honest, he's never been so relieved to watch both Danvers sisters leave the DEO. (And no that was not a sleazy remark about their butts, he likes to think he's a lot more mature and respectable than that... he's not Mon-El for God's sake.)

^-^

Later on, he was trying (and failing) to apply some anaesthetic cream to the tender skin around his eye, every few seconds letting out a quiet whine of pain. Unexpectedly, James walked through the door, grinning brightly like nothing had even happened. It irritated Winn, of course, but he could barely feel it over the sudden feeling of sickness in his stomach. _This is not gonna end well._

"Hey, you good?" He asks, in that incredibly casual and smooth voice and it makes Winn want to _melt into a puddle_. Because _oh my god_ he really isn't in the mental state to deal with James being so calm about what happened... he almost _died!_

Sarcastically, he just laughs and keeps poking at his face in the tiny mirror. "Peachy keen." Maybe for once, James could be more observant than Kara and actually _leave him alone_.

Of course the universe hates him, and James just starts babbling about something over the police scanner. A 10-37, _boring_.

"... so I was just wondering-" and it pissed Winn off, a lot. Probably more than anything else has ever pissed him off, including the time when he was cheating on his girlfriend with Kara, _right in front of him._

So _maybe_ Winn snapped, "I actually thought that, _just maybe_ , you came to check up on me." And _maybe_ he let himself get just a little bit emotional.

Immediately he regretted it- the emotional bit, not the snapping bit. Why did he have to go and let his stupid feelings get in the way? One day he's really gonna mess up, and then he'll just have to move to Antarctica out of shame.

Luckily for both of them, James was oblivious as usual to the meaning behind Winn's words, instead just replying with his usual cluelessness "Dude, I came all the way out here because I knew you were upset."

 _Upset? Oh really? I think I'm feeling a little bit more than just 'upset'_. He thinks angrily, glad that for once he managed to keep that on the inside. "Yeah yeah, I'm upset." He drawls, close to rolling his eyes.

"You know, I almost got killed-"

"Winn, everybody gets their ass kicked." James interrupts, and it would've made him even more angry if it hadn't just saved him from saying a lot of things he really would've regretted saying. Like, ' _having the guy I'm desperately in love with save me is incredibly embarrassing_ ' for starters.

"Just stop."

"Winn, let me help-" for once he looks like he actually understands, like he means what he's saying. Winn feels that glimmer of hope, and he wants to grab onto it with both hands, but he knows he can't let himself even think about that- because it would just hurt in the end.

"Just stop!" He's shouting now, and a part of him knows he needs to calm down before he does something he can't undo- but he just can't seem to shut his mouth; "I'm good here, maybe. Or you know, at a desk... but I can't go out there with you again,"

He sees James open his mouth to try and speak again, but he can't let him because it'll probably break him, "I can't alright? Just stop."

He's about to cry, and he knows James can tell, and it still looks like James isn't going to give up. Winn doesn't know what to say, he's scared he's gonna mess up and he doesn't want to cry in front of James 'perfect' Olsen. He can't handle that.

"I can't" He really is crying now.

"I quit."

^-^

After his fight with James, he had stormed out of the locker room hoping to be able to lose himself in his work for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, life sucks. Instead, he had to deal with Alex freaking out and Kara being stuck on a planet that _literally_ sells people as slaves. And she doesn't have her powers.

Why is it that the two people he could always rely on to be strong are now completely useless? This is not what he needs during a crisis!

Okay, maybe he's being selfish, but now he's being asked to go to another planet, with aliens and god knows what else... not to mention the fact that Supergirl doesn't even have her powers there! He can't do it, he's been way too close to death once already this week, he's not going through it again.

But J'onn is telling him it's an order, and Alex is confronting him. So he tells her what really gave him that black eye, and goddammit he's going to cry again.

"I'm scared"

^-^

Remember what he said about not having a panic attack? Yeah, that's about to go out of the window... or through a portal to another planet. Why did Winn agree to this? Why did he let Alex freaking Danvers convince him he could do this? He's screwed! He's going to die on a planet millions of miles away from home, he's never going to be buried, and he's never going to have the chance to apologise to James.

Ugh, even now he's hopelessly obsessed with his stupid crush. _I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing this to prove to myself that I can be strong and brave.I don't need a hero or a 'Guardian' to save me all the time. Goddammit, I made it about James again didn't I?_

^-^

Outer-Space. Winn is in outer-space.

Correction, Winn is being left alone in outer space. _I am so screwed._

Working on alien technology used to be fun, but now it's the only way he's getting home, the added pressure isn't making it any easier.

It took him a while, but he finally calibrated the system- he thinks. Some crazy part of him is glad he didn't stay on earth, because there was no way Alex could have got the portal open with the half-finished program he gave her. He likes to think it's the hero in him, but it's probably just the alien atmosphere messing with his brain.

_And he really should've been focusing right then, not daydreaming like an idiot._

^-^

When he gets back on earth, he doesn't wanna think about what happened. Of course, at the time the adrenaline kicked him into action, and he actually kicked that alien's ass, but now? Yeah, he _really_ doesn't wanna think about it.

So he hugs Kara almost as tight as she hugs him- which is impressive considering she's Kryptonian. Then he hugs Alex, because even though seeing her act so not-Alex-like freaked him out a little, she's still his rock and he's beginning to consider her a friend. Not to mention, if it weren't for her encouragement he wouldn't have travelled to another _planet_ today.

Soon enough, the celebration is over, and everyone has to go home. But Winn can't go home, because he's excited about what he did today, and he's hurting because of what he said to James today, and he just really wants a drink.

Instead, he swipes the rock sample someone from the extraction team brought back, and heads to CatCo.

Maybe he's trying to hurt himself even more, but he knows he won't be able to sleep tonight if he doesn't talk to James.

He puts on a smile, hopes James won't question its authenticity, and walks in. "I'm back baby!"

Of course, he blushed slightly because he almost said 'babe' not baby, which would've been very embarrassing.

"Here's the thing, my friend. Guardian? He protects the Earth, but Agent Schott? He protects the stars." Absently, he thinks he should get that tattooed somewhere, then he realises how weird that idea is, and tries to leave before he can embarrass himself any more- even mentally.

"Wait," James calls, stepping around his desk wide eyed. For a moment, Winn frowns, he has no idea why James would want him to wait, but when he nods toward the couch he sits without argument. Maybe it has something to do with the office still very much being _Cat Grant's Office_ , but he just can't say no to anyone in there.

"Winn, I think I owe you an apology-" he starts, but Winn stops him right there, panicking.

"Oh no, no everything's fine. Nothing to worry about, let's just forget anything every happened-"

"No." The determined look on James' face is almost intimidating, and Winn shrinks into himself slightly. "You were hurting, and I should've made sure you were okay. I should've helped you Winn."

For once, he doesn't know what to say, without either crying or blurting _'I love you.'_

"Look Winn. I know we're working together on this Guardian thing because we both want to help the city." _And I don't want to see you get killed,_ Winn thinks to himself. "But, I care about you man."

Suddenly, Winn's stomach drops. He can't breathe properly, and he doesn't know what to think. _Please don't give me a panic attack, James Olsen_ , he silently pleads. _I've been through enough today without having a heart attack from you playing with my emotions._

"I- I don't know what you mean, James." He tries to laugh, but it comes out pained and confused, and he thinks he can see genuine concern and care in James' eyes, but that can't be right.

"I think you do." He practically whispers, and Winn can't breathe. He actually can't breathe now, and it takes him a moment to realise why, but it's because James is _holding_ his _hand_. And now he genuinely thinks that alien killed him, he died on that planet and now he's in heaven because _James_ freaking _Olsen_ is holding his hand, and _what the hell is happening?_

"James, no. James stop it. This isn't funny, okay, what is happening?" Oh God, stop talking Winn you're making things worse.

He tries to say something else, to stand up and catch his breath, but he can't move because James is holding him still, and then he's _kissing_ him and- _what is oxygen?_

Winn has no idea how long it lasted, they could've been frozen like that for a year for all he knows- or cares. But then James pulls away, and he's looking at him like he feels guilty, and he might even be scared, and Winn can't handle that look in his eyes, so he says the first stupid thing that pops into his mind.

"Iloveyou." _Idiot_.

Winn is an idiot, he's just ruined everything and he may as well buy his plane tickets to Antarctica now and...

"I know." James whispers with a grin, and Winn finally exhales, half relieved and half about to pass out. "I love you too."

 _Okay, bye bye oxygen. It was nice knowing you_.

^-^

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I am shamelessly shipping Kara's rejected love interests from s1, sue me. Also WINN IS MY PRECIOUS BB TREAT HIM RIGHT GODDAMMIT... Goodnight everyone


End file.
